Saturday, July 11, 2009

Palin Turns Tail

Today is Saturday, 11 July 2009.

Why did Palin resign?

1. Least likely is an actively threatening investigation which could lead to criminal or civil liability. Much as I’d like to see Palin cuffed, perp walked, and Supermaxed, I think she’d be shrewd enough to pull an Agnew: wait until the last moment, and then trade her office for no prison time.

2. Run for President.

In terms of exposure in preparation for a national race, there are fundamentally two types of governors: those from states such as New York, California, Texas, etc., on whom the limelight perpetually shines, and those from states such as Oklahoma, Idaho, Alaska, etc., who normally toil in obscurity unless they’re indicted or run into a burning building and emerge with a bawling baby.

In either case, 2009 and the near future are not the time to be a governor running for President, given the economic crisis and concomitant state budget difficulties, particularly in a state so closely tied to oil prices over which it has no control. The unappetizing choice would have been the death-of-a-thousand-cuts in Juneau, or neglecting her responsibilities, while continuing to draw a salary and gallivanting about the Lower Forty-Eight.

3. Cash in.

Palin probably realizes she was a fluke. Her selection was the result of three main factors. First, the desperation of the McCain campaign for a game-changer level gimmick. Second, the fact that the McCain of 2008 wasn’t as mentally acute as the McCain of 2000, let alone 1990, and would fall for it. Third, the fact that McCain is the type of male who, through his entire adult life, has shown a propensity for letting his crotch lead his brain around by the ... uhm … nose.

Palin probably realizes she may very well have a short use-by date, so best to gather the ro$e buds while one may: sell books, rant on radio, give $peeche$, before the day that the only way she’ll receive attention is to jump naked into the Tidal Basin, or sell National Enquirer lurid details of the sexual “exams” given her by the aliens on the UFO.

As ex-governor, she’s free to take a stab at running for President while making hay while the sun shines. Even if she becomes the 21st century Harold Stassen, she can still laugh all the way to the bank.

And, with any luck, she’ll commit multiple felonies along the way.


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