Tuesday, January 18, 2011

A Modest Proposal

Today is Tuesday, 18 January 2011.

For all practical purposes, handguns have only one reason for existence: hunting human beings, either for homicide or suicide. (Rifles are far more efficient in hunting for subsistence purposes.)

(Those who kill for “sport”, that is, as a form of “entertainment”, well, rifles are more efficient also, but the entire activity is ethically despicable, and needn’t concern us here.)

Handguns aren’t a reliable defensive option for an obvious reason: almost none of those who own them are trained and refreshed in their use in combat situations. Pull a gun, and you and/or a loved one or other innocent are far more likely to be injured or killed than any attacker.

The obvious solution to the handgun menace is the draconian: restrict handguns only to sworn law enforcement officials during actual performance of their duties, and require that all other handguns be surrendered by, say, 31 December 2011, for recycling. Any unauthorized person apprehended with a handgun after that date would serve a mandatory ten year prison sentence, without possibility of parole, followed by revocation of citizenship and deportation to the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, where they could enjoy the tender mercies of a regime which values human life as highly as do they.

Despite all the asinine rhetoric and pseudo-“masculine” posing of the lovers of human hunting, I doubt very many of them would put their monies where their mouths are.

Anyone who wanted to own a handgun would be welcome to surrender their citizenship and leave the country, but, of course, only after reimbursing society for the costs of publicly-provided education, health and social well-being expenditures, etc.

Considering the absurd use to which the current “activist” reactionary Supreme Court Justices have put the “well regulated Militia” passage of the Constitution, it would also require repeal thereof. (Anyone who imagines that handguns in private hands are a bulwark against governmental tyranny is living in fantasyland.)

Won’t be happening, of course, for two main reasons. First, too many “law-abiding” citizens wish to live in a society where they enjoy the option to hunt human beings. Second, and far more important, is that too many elected officials are bribed by the campaign contributions of the human hunting industry, including handgun manufacturers and the National Rifle Association.

So, continue to prepare, at any moment, to duck and cover, and/or meet your maker. The more cynical are advised to buy stock in handgun manufacturers and funeral home chains.


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