Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Fast Times at Fiji High

Today is Wednesday, 6 December 2006.

In case you’ve not heard, some military fascist would-be Franco named “Commodore Voreqe Bainimarama” has staged a coup in Fiji, and named himself Fuhrer and Savior of the People.

He’s so sorry to have been forced by events (aren’t they all, “forced by events”, and "sorry"?) to, as he said, “step into the shoes of the President” and dismiss the Prime Minister.

Having made a swift survey of the Constitution of Fiji, I find no reference to shoe stepping.

[Maybe it’s an Imelda Marcos thing.]

Or, maybe it has something to do with the fact that the police were investigating allegations of a “death squad” style killing by the military.

For the record, it’s the second coup the “Commodore” has staged. This time, he’s overthrowing the government he helped put in power.

As Harry Truman said about Washington, DC: “If you want a friend, get a dog”.

Perhaps the “Commodore” is imitating the Peronist Hugo Chavez.

Or Evita:

“Don’t cry for me, Argentina,
‘Cause I stole what wasn’t nailed down,
And even ‘though I’ve got cancer,
I don’t care, ‘Cause I’m Broadway bound.”

See “” for details, except they’ve had armed treasonous soldiers brandishing weapons in their offices, so they may not be able to report full details.

Of course, this Napoleonette may be in some trouble: he announced that anyone wanting to be part of the new puppet prime minister’s puppet cabinet should submit a resume!

Which you can do at:".

Think I will:

Dear “Commodore”:

While not “technically” a citizen of Fiji --- but then, what the hell, you’re not “technically” Fuhrer of Fiji, just some traitor with guns who stole a guy’s shoes, so what should it matter I’m not Fijian?

Anyhoo, I’m excited at the opportunity to get in on the ground floor of a military dictatorship, even if it sucks as 10th-rate and lame as yours. My skill set includes complete moral flexibility, kissing serious superior booty, doing the John Bolton on subordinates, and a general contempt for civilians. I could even strangle cats for a good time, like you do, if necessary.

Oh, and I want to tele-commute to the dictatorship (dude, it’s the 21st-century), so just FedEx the uniform and snappy beret to me.

As to cabinet positions, anything to do with ready access to large amounts of cash would do just fine. (Keep in mind: in elementary school, I was always rated 5 out of 5 on "shares materials with others", if you know what I mean.)

Yours for cold brews, hot chicks, and tanks in the streets,



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